What Actually Motivates People to Change

Motivation is one of those things everyone wants, but no one can seem to hold onto.

One week you’re clear, focused and taking action. The next? You’re back in the loop of scrolling, doubting, procrastinating. Wondering what happened to all that drive you felt just a few days ago.

The truth is, most people don’t have a motivation problem. They have a misunderstanding of where motivation comes from in the first place.

It’s not about hype, hustle or waiting for the perfect mood to arrive. It’s about something deepe, something quieter. Something within that wants to change. 

Here's what actually moves people to change, and how to tap into it when the usual tricks stop working.

Motivation Follows Action; Not the Other Way Around

This one’s uncomfortable, but true: you don’t wait for motivation to act. 

Waiting until you feel ready is one of the biggest motivation traps. 

I’ll start my diet after we go to the bbq this weekend… 

I’ll do a bit more research and then apply for that course tomorrow… 

I’ll take a couple of weeks to get a bit fitter and then I’ll join that fitness class

You act first, then motivation shows up. Research shows that taking action increases dopamine in the body which helps to improve motivation and focus. 

That’s because motivation is often a byproduct of momentum. Once you take the first small step (send the email, move your body, have the hard conversation) you start to feel more capable. That sense of progress feeds belief. And belief is what fuels motivation.

It’s not about forcing yourself to run a marathon when you don’t want to. It’s about breaking the loop of inertia with one small act of movement. 

Clarity Beats Willpower

You can’t stay motivated for something you’re vague about.

Most people are trying to push through with willpower, but they’re unclear on what they actually want, or why they want it in the first place.

Clarity creates energy. It gives your nervous system something to move towards. And when your direction is rooted in meaning, you’re far more likely to stay committed, especially when resistance shows up.

Ask yourself:

• What do I actually want—beyond the goal, beyond the surface?

• How do I want to feel?

• Who do I want to become in the process?

When you focus on who you're becoming and not just what you're doing, you give your motivation a deeper anchor. When it comes to motivation, behaviour driven by internal values and identity lasts longer than behaviour fuelled by external rewards.

Emotional State Matters More Than Strategy

Most people look for motivation in a list of tactics like waking up earlier, time-blocking or bullet journaling.

But change rarely fails because of poor strategy. It fails because of emotional resistance. Fear of failure. Fear of judgment. Fear that if you really try, you might still not feel “good enough”.

Your nervous system has one job: keep you safe. Not successful. So if it links change to discomfort or danger (even emotional danger), it will pull the handbrake which can often manifest as distraction, procrastination or self-sabotage.

This is where emotional regulation tools matter, actions like breathwork, movement, and grounding. Because when you feel safe, you move. 

When you move, momentum builds.

Studies have shown self-regulation, especially managing emotional triggers, can be a big factor in sustained pursuit of your goals.

You don’t need more pressure. You need a regulated state. 

Calm fuels clarity, and clarity fuels action.

Identity Drives Behaviour

To change your behaviour and stay motivated long-term, you need to change your inner narrative and start building identity based habits. 

This is the deeper layer of change, underneath the habits, underneath the plans. 

Often, when we don’t achieve a goal it’s because the goal is based around a specific outcome. And if we fail to reach our goals, for whatever reason, then we can start to believe that we’re just not that type of person.  

If you believe that you’re “just not a runner” then you’ll never run a marathon. 

If you believe that  you’re “just not really academic” then you’ll never get that course.

Likewise, if you believe you’re “just not someone who follows through”, “who is not confident”, or “not consistent”, no amount of motivation will override that long term. 

Start small. Be mindful of your inner narrative. Focus on building the right mindset and change how you speak to yourself. 

Shift from:

“I’m trying to be more confident”

to

“I’m learning to speak with more courage.”

Because eventually, you’ll act in alignment with what you believe about yourself. 

Real motivation isn’t about pushing through. It’s about becoming someone who no longer needs to. 

So, How Do You Find Motivation to change?

You don’t. You build it.

You build it by being consistent and showing up even when it’s inconvenient. 

Motivation doesn’t come from hacks or hype. It comes from meaning, purpose and small actions repeated over time, until change becomes who you are, not just what you do.

You’re not unmotivated. You just haven’t found the rhythm that works for you yet.

Start with one small thing. Let it matter. Then keep going.

If you need help navigating changes in your life, finding clarity or are just tired of starting over, coaching can help you create an action plan and build momentum that actually sticks. 

If you’d like to find your path to long-lasting momentum and inner confidence together, book a call to find out what that looks like. 

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